remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Randomize
