Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
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