I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
Randomize
