watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
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