Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
Barsexuality is the new black.
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
