my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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