i barfeds in our rink
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
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