No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
He is such a slut. More and more my type.
I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
Randomize
