its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
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