yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
