He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
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You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
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Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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