Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
