Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
Why is there bacon in the couch?
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
