I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
