this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
