So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
we're making bets on your personal life
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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