I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
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Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
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Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
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