Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
