I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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