I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
being pregnant is like rehab
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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