Define "chronic" masturbator.
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
