You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Randomize
