i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Randomize
