Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Randomize
