Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
Where are you???
With some dude on the way to his house to blaze
You went back to a stranger's house????
He isn't a stranger...he used to be on kids, inc.
I love LA.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
