I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
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