i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Randomize