I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
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