I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize
