No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
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