Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
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I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
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