If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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