I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
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