best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
Someone shattered a urinal.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
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