Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
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