Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
We left an ass print on the piano.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
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