The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
did you just send me my own nude
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
Randomize
