shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
