i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
Randomize
