So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
Randomize
