1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
Randomize
