We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
