Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
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