Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Randomize
