I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
Randomize
