somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
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