There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
