Swine flu. Run for my life!
I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
Life is so much better after having sex.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
Randomize
