Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Randomize
