I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
Randomize
