If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
tell me about the fingering
Randomize
