thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
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