please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
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