I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
