you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
he just fucked me for my cheese..
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
Randomize
