take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
