from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Randomize
