my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
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